


My Lady Macaw

by SpaceVinci



Category: Wild Kratts
Genre: Abduction, Crossdressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 15:04:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20391661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceVinci/pseuds/SpaceVinci
Summary: Anyone held for ransom in a jungle while wearing an elaborate party dress and an assumed identity will invariable begin to wonder what horrible choices led their life to that very moment. Chris Kratt - or Christina Koi, depending - was no exception.





	My Lady Macaw

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KUG](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KUG/gifts).

> This was written in a single 12-hour period and barely edited so it is what it is. Inspired by KUG’s Femme Fatale. Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14281392

Anyone held for ransom in a jungle while wearing an elaborate party dress and an assumed identity will invariable begin to wonder what horrible choices led their life to that very moment. Chris Kratt - or Christina Koi, depending - was no exception. 

Pondering where he’d gone wrong wasn’t pleasant, but the alternative was listening to Donita Donata making demands into her phone. 

“It’s simple, Martino,” she was saying. “Return my birds to me and you can have your sister back. If you _don’t_, well… I could always use a new model, and she’s such a pretty one, don’t you think?”

Chris imagined a record scratch and a freeze frame. Yes, this was his life. A pawn in the maniacal schemes of a deranged fashionista. How had this all started? Well, it had begun simply enough: with a job opportunity. 

* * *

“Are you seeing this?” Aviva enthused into Christina’s earpiece.

Christina made a noncommittal humming noise that indicated she didn’t know what Aviva was talking about, but that also wouldn’t have sounded suspicious to anyone in the passing throngs of villains. It was one thing to wear a hidden communication device while undercover at a Villain Event, but to actually _talk_ into it? Oh no. That was asking for trouble. 

“Those women who just passed you!” Aviva continued. “They were wearing clothing just like what you wore for your last couple performances! CK, Christina Koi is becoming an influencer!”

Well. That was something to ponder. When the Tortuga crew (mostly Chris, although he maintains it was meant to be a joke) concocted the plan that would let them infiltrate Villain Events, they weren’t entirely sure what to expect. But apparently, Chris played the part of Christina Koi - performer, bombshell, and frequenter of Villain Events - so well that people were starting to emulate her. That had certainly not been anticipated, but it was something to think about. 

Before Christina could ponder the revelation any further, she caught sight of someone approaching her, someone who was most certainly not dressing to mirror Koi’s latest looks. No, Donita Donata was dressed in clothing of her own design, as expected. The snake-skin belt appeared to be rather more than just skin, and quite probably still alive. Christina couldn’t quite decide if that was more or less cruel than killing and skinning a creature, but it still made her skin crawl. 

“Christina!” Donita drawled, “darling! Fabulous show tonight, I must say.”

“Donita,” Christina returned. “You’re looking… sensational, as always.” It was a trick not to let the words catch in her throat and come out as an obvious lie, but one doesn’t spend a significant amount of time posing as a woman without becoming quite good at acting. If she could pretend that heels and pantyhose were commonplace and comfortable, she could pretend that Donita’s choice in attire wasn’t creepy and just plain wrong. 

Donita preened. “Oh, this old thing? This is nothing. I have a show coming up that’ll _really_ be something…?” The hitch at the end of the comment revealed Donita’s purpose for coming to talk to her: she had something to offer. 

“Oh?” Christina asked, filling in the leading question seamlessly. “What kind of show?”

“Why, the annual Exotic Attire fashion showcase, of course!” Donita exclaimed. “I attend every year, and you know, it’s simply a marvelous time, but they have such a hard time finding the right musical entertainment for intermission.”

Donita obviously wanted something, but Christina couldn’t quite figure out what. Thankfully, Aviva pieces it together. 

“Chris, it’s a power play. If she can say she got a rising star to perform at an event, then that means she has influence. She wants to look important.”

Which meant that the performance would further solidify Christina Koi’s reputation. Plus, it would give her a front-row seat to whatever evil plans Donita invariably had in the works. 

“Really?” She purred. “Well, I’m sure it can’t be that hard to secure an interested party.”

If she’d been talking to possibly any other villain, the subtly probably would have been lost. But Donita Donata understood the social ticking of the world of Performing Arts, and with a smirk, she made it clear that the message was received. Christina Koi would perform at the Exotic Attire annual showcase, and Donita Donata would claim credit for her appearance. The deal was struck, silently put decidedly. 

Now all that was left was to plan. 

* * *

“Plumage?” Chris asked. “That’s it? That’s the whole prompt?”

“Creative minds don’t always need a lot to go on when it comes to inspiration,” Aviva tsked. 

“Are you gonna put me in the feather boa again?” He hadn’t had to wear it for several events now, but he still remembered how itchy it had been. Aviva and Koki kept assuring him it was fashionable, so the Return or the Boa was seeming imminent. 

“Nope!” Koki chirped. “Way better than that.”

“Aw, I like the boa!” Martin pouted. This earned him a glare from Chris, which he’d been expecting and took in stride. 

“She’s here!” Jimmy called. 

Chris frowned. “What? Who’s here?”

The doors to the Tortuga slid open, revealing a short, cheerful woman in a smart pantsuit and glasses. 

“Guys,” Aviva introduced, appearing next to the woman and throwing an arm around her, “meet Chaya Bass. She’s a fashion designer and fundraiser for the protection of endangered species. And she’s gonna be designing Christina’s outfit for the showcase.”

“Wait,” Chis said, “this isn’t a Villain Event?”

“No, it’s a regular fashion show,” Koki answered. “Christina Koi is breaking into the public sector.”

“Uh, are we sure that’s such a good idea?” Chris asked. “I mean, I thought I was just going to be going undercover to spy on villains.”

“Chris, you’re an influencer!” Aviva reminded him. “Well, Christina is, anyway. We can use that to our advantage!”

“But won’t it be suspicious if Christina is suddenly fighting to keep creatures free and in the wild?”

Aviva shook her head. “She won’t be. She’ll just be wearing an amazing dress that happens to give Chaya a little extra business. No one will suspect a thing!”

Chris hesitated, but Chaya was eager to go on. 

“I base all of my designs after endangered species, and the proceeds of each clothing line goes to helping keep those species safe. The Exotic Attire showcase this year is being held in South America, and since the prompt is ‘plumage,’ I’ve been sketching up ideas for a Macaw line. They’re such beautiful creatures, I just couldn’t resist!”

As much as something told Chris this would end badly, Chaya’s enthusiasm was infectious. “Well… alright. What do you have in mind?”

Chaya beamed. 

* * *

The dress really was incredible. An asymmetric, short skirt hugged Christina’s thighs and waist, accentuating all the curves that suggested an anatomy she didn’t really have. The bodice and skirt were a sleek, vibrantly colored faux feather material, cascading from one color to the next in a shimmering, avian display. Extra feathering on the bust hinted at a fuller figure than Christina actually possessed. There was only one sleeve, which ran elegantly down the right arm in a shiny black material reminiscent of the Macaw’s beak. The feathering was more elaborate at the top of the sleeve and bodice, expertly pushing the ‘plumage’ theme without coming across as gaudy. Aviva and Koki completed the look with coiffed hair, dramatic winged eyeliner and colorful eyeshadow, and a pair of tall black boots that matched the sleeve. Chris Kratt had, as always, been uncomfortable with the excessive styling that went into creating each of his alter ego’s looks; Christina Koi, on the other hand, was ready for a show-stopper. 

Aviva whistled. “Wow. Sam and Cam are gonna be underdressed.”

Koki finished up with a makeup brush and smirked. “I am too good.”

It was a phenomenal start to what was almost a phenomenal night. Christina Koi performed in her signature jazzy, husky alto, the crowd went wild, and Donita Donata was almost too flattered by Koi’s appearance to notice that the performer was wearing a rival designer’s work. 

Key word: almost. 

“I think this might have backfired,” Christina muttered after her performance, just loud enough for Aviva to hear. 

“What do you mean?” came the response. “You were amazing! And Chaya has been getting a lot of interested buyers!”

“I think I’ve gotten on Donita’s bad side,” Christina clarified. 

Aviva didn’t respond, and a moment later, Christina realized way. Through the crowd, heading right for her, came Zach Varmitech. Christina bit back a groan. He showed up to Donita’s shows on occasion, sometimes as head of security, sometimes as wannabe lapdog. He had a knack for trying to suck up to beautiful women who wanted nothing to do with him, and Christina had become a target of such attempts ever since her debut on the villain scene. At least he wasn’t half as bad as some of her other admirers. 

“Ms. Koi,” he greeted, giving her a flourishing bow that made Christina cringe before she could stop herself. Nothing god ever came of Zach trying to lay on the charm. But before his display could go any further and make Aviva start snickering about the mating dances of make birds, he stopped, squinted, and narrowed his eyes. Then he straightened abruptly and jerked his head around as though looking for an intruder. 

“I smell a Wildrat.”

“Oh no,” Aviva groaned in his earpiece. “We forgot the perfume. Oh, I knew we’d forgotten something!”

“What?” Christina demanded. It was an exclamation that fit into both conversations, but it had been intended in response to Aviva. Christina tunes out Zach’s rambling explanation that that was what he called the Wild Kratt, and that they had to be around her somewhere, and instead listened to Aviva explain her recently-proved hypothesis that Zach was a creepy weirdo who genuinely recognized the smell of the Kratt brothers’ deodorant by a single whiff. To be fair, it was a well-prices and environmentally friendly brand with a slight but distinct smell. Still. The idea that Zach could identify them by smell? Gross. 

In retrospect, what Christina did next was an absolutely awful idea, but she panicked and went with the first excuse that came to mind. 

“Oh,” she said, wrinkling her nose, “you mean my brothers? Lord, I should hope you don’t think I’m anything like _them_.”

Zach stopped rambling and stared. “You’re a Wildrat?” he demanded. 

Christina scoffed indignantly. “I am no such things! That I happen to be related to those fools is no fault of mine.” ‘Fools’ was a word bad guys used, right? It felt like a villain word.

“But… your last name isn’t Kratt.”

Christina tolled her eyes. “Well, it a pseudonym. Obviously.” Quick, what had Mama Kratt told the brothers they’d have been named if they’d been girls? Chris would have been Christine, so that was a no-go, but “Susan Kratt doesn’t exactly sound glamorous, does it? And anyway, I prefer not to associated with my ridiculous older brothers.”

Zach brightened, pleaded to find common ground. “They’re the worst aren’t they? They’re always getting in my way with their stupid creatures living ‘free and in the wild!’” If possible, his voice became even whinier on this last quotation. Christina gritted her teeth and resigned herself to an evening of subtly trash talking her alter ego and Martin. 

“Quick thinking,” Aviva noted once Christina had finally managed to extricate herself from the conversation with Zach. “But we’ve got bigger problems. Look: Donita’s on the runway.”

Donita Donata, it appeared, had also gone with a Macaw design. But true to her nature, the articles of clothing her less ‘macaw inspired’ and more ‘actual macaws trapped in suspended animation on hats and bags and, in one case, a walking stick.’

“Those poor birds,” Christina whispered. 

“Don’t worry bro!” she heard Martin call from somewhere beyond Aviva. “I’m coming to the creature rescue!”

* * *

The worst part is, Christina wasn’t even sure what happened next. She made a point to stay away from the action breaches she didn’t trust herself not to break character when she saw Martin saving the macaws. So she had almost no warning before suddenly Dabio was grabbing her and shoving her into the jet before she could do much as yelp, and the next thing she knew, she was being held for ransom in exchange for macaws. Because apparently Zach couldn’t keep his mouth shut, so now, despite Christina stressing that she did not get along with her brothers, Donita considered her something valuable that she could use as a negotiation piece. 

She had to act, and she had to do it fast. 

“Chris,” Aviva said in his ear. “If you have to blow your cover to get out, that’s fine. Losing our in into the villain world is worth getting you back safe.”

Christina fought back a scowl. She had worked too hard for position to throw it away now. 

“What makes you think I want to be ‘reunited’ with my imbecilic brothers?” she demanded. This caught Donita off-guard. Apparently, Zach hadn’t told her the whole story. “You know,” Christina continued, “if you’d wanted me to model for you, you could have just asked.”

Donita blinked. “Oh!” She hesitated. “Well then. Would you like a modeling job?”

Christina’s first reaction was to yell that no, obviously not after being abducted, but she resisted. She needed to play this carefully. So instead, she tilted her head and regarded Donita coolly. “We might be able to come to an agreement. If, of course, negotiations were a bit more… hospitable.”

“Uh, Chris?” It was Koki’s voice through the earpiece. “That whole showcase was crawling with villains, and apparently Sam and Cam spotted something. Aviva says she has a plan.”

Christina froze. If Aviva’s plan involved showing up in-person, that would destroy all possibility of keeping Christina in the villains’ good graces. She needed to get out now. They were outside the jet now, as Donita had wanted to get the macaws back as quickly as possible and this needed to be outside, so running away would be an option, if it weren’t for the fact that she was tied to a chair. 

“Yes, I suppose that’s fair,” Donita finally decided. She snapped her fingers. “Dabio!”

“Incoming,” said Koki. 

That was all the warning Christina got before several things happened all at the same time. First, Dabio began deftly undoing the knots around her wrists. Second, a tremor of foliage shook the jungle around then. And third, out of the greenery burst Sam and Cam, led by none other than Silas Lockwood. 

Christina balked. “Oh, no.”

Silas, darn him, grinned cheekily. “Oh yes, my lovely Christina. Donata, I demand you release this woman! She has business with me.”

“You demand?!” shrieked Donita. “Dabio, get him!”

Dabio was strong, but Lockwood was lithe and surprisingly good at side-stepping the burly form hurtling toward him. 

“Act like you expected this, CK,” Aviva said unto the earpiece. Oh, Chris was so going to get her back for this somehow. 

For now, though, Christina focused on removing the remaining ropes and sashaying purposefully over to Lockwood. She had to admit, Aviva’s plan had its merits. Getting on the bad side of one villain was fine so long as you still appeared to be sided with another, and Silas had made it clear in the past that he was eager to have Christina Koi by his side. Christina tried not to shudder at that thought. 

“Well, hon, you sure know how to make an entrance.” Batting her eyelashes at him there was probably a little much, but he didn’t seem to mind. 

“Dabio, you fool!” Donita cried, “I said get him!” Ah. So ‘fool’ was a villain word, after all. 

“Oh, but oh course, Madame Koi. I couldn’t miss the opportunity to work with you, after all.”

It really was remarkable how well Dabio’s incompetence kept Donita busy, leaving Christina to deal with this new dilemma. 

“Surely you don’t mean right now, Lockwood?” Christina arches an eyebrow. “I’ve just been kidnapped, after all. But perhaps -“ here she trailed a finger along his arm, just enough to show she might be interested in, well, something else, at a later date. It’s not that she liked playing the seductress. It’s just that it seemed to be the best approach for Lockwood. “Perhaps another time?”

Lockwood smiles, smug and self-assured, and offered her an arm. “But of course, my lovely Christina. But of course.”

* * *

“You told him what?!”

Chris was back in his beloved khaki shorts and doing his best not to show how pleased he was with his payback. 

“Christina may have mentioned to Zach,” he told Aviva, again, “that she was under the impression you talked about him a lot. She seemed to recall hearing you call him ‘that cute guy from science camp’?”

“Listen here, Susan!” Aviva started, stalking toward him, but Chris was already laughing and darting away to hide behind Martin. If he had to deal with Silas Lockwood, she could deal with Zach Varmitech. 

After all, he’d gotten kidnapped helping her friend. It seemed only fair.


End file.
